Navigating the Holidays as a Blended Family: A Choice to Love
The Blended Mix family is a full-time blending family, with one child residing with us full-time and the others on a week-on-week-off schedule. In sharing our experiences, we hope to provide insights for other blended families facing similar challenges during the holiday season.
When I hear comments like, "Not all of us have it as easy as you do." or "You're so lucky your stepkids actually like you," it often comes from a place of good intentions, even though it may not always land that way. Such comments can be both a blessing and a reminder of the journey we've been on as a blended family. Today, I’d like to share a bit about that journey and the choices we've made along the way.
First and foremost, it's essential to acknowledge that blending a family isn't always as straightforward as it might seem from the outside. It's not just about "luck." Behind the scenes, we've had our share of challenges, struggles, and moments that tested all of us.
While I won't delve into the specifics of those challenges out of respect for our kids' privacy, I want to emphasize one key point: success in blending a family isn't an accident. It's a choice.
I chose to enter this family not just as a spouse but as a parent. It's a commitment that carries immense weight and responsibility. It's a choice I made with full awareness of its significance. If you're considering a similar path, it's vital to understand the depth of this commitment before taking the plunge!
Choosing to love in a blended family context means looking beyond the surface, past the occasional misbehavior or outburst. It means recognizing that behind those actions lies a heart that might be grieving, confused, or hurting. As a parent in a blended family, my goal is to create a safe space for our children's emotional journey - bio or not.
One of the most significant choices I've made is to put my ego aside. Just as I've stowed away my size 8 AE skinny jeans that I’ll most likely never wear again, I've also packed away my ego, realizing it serves no purpose in this intricate process of blending a family. Compassion, kindness, and understanding must take precedence over personal pride.
Energy is a finite resource, and where we direct it matters. I've learned to allocate my energy wisely, focusing on what truly deserves my attention. In doing so, I've let go of the need to fix everything, realizing that some things are beyond my control.
Rigorous self-care has become a non-negotiable part of my life. In caring for myself, I'm better equipped to care for my family. Self-care isn't selfish; it's essential.
Instead of trying to control every aspect, I've chosen to create. It's about fostering an environment of growth, love, and understanding, rather than imposing rigid structures.
In this journey, authenticity prevails over the need for a flawless reputation. We're not perfect, but we're real. We embrace our imperfections because they're part of what makes us unique.
Most importantly, we choose love. Love for all our children, biological and stepchildren alike. This choice has become the cornerstone of everything we do for our family.
As we enter this holiday season, I encourage you to reflect on your choices. It's never too late to start choosing love, even when faced with challenges. I promise you; it's a choice that can transform your blended family journey!
