The Magic of 4C Hair: A White Woman's Journey to Understanding Black Hair Care
A few years ago, I was walking with my soon-to-be bonus daughter, Elyana, when she looked up at me and said, 'Did you know my hair is magic?' I was pleased that she embraced her unique and beautiful hair, but I had yet to understand what she meant by 'magic'. As you can clearly see, I'm a white woman and at that time I knew very little about black hair, but that has definitely changed. I have grown to understand why black hair is truly magical!
When we became a family, our girls were just as curious about my hair as I was about theirs. A good bit of our early bonding revolved around letting them play with my hair. They added all their creams and oils and gave me hairstyles that they felt really proud of! My head has never been more moisturized in its entire life!
I left most of the girls' hair care in the hands of their dad in the beginning. Kelvin had learned how to do his daughters' hair throughout his years as a single dad. He even wrote about the process, which you can read about on his blog. However, as time went on, the necessity for my involvement grew. As much as their dad did his best, our girls needed me to learn about edge care and how to do different hairstyles so they could SLAY and feel more confident about their appearance. It was time for me to step more fully into my role as the mother of our home.
I wanted to be careful not to overstep or misunderstand cultural complexities, so I began the process of learning. I watched a trillion YouTube videos, had conversations with random strangers in hair store aisles, learned tips from black moms, and even took lessons from a professional braider. As a disclaimer, I must say even though I've learned a lot, my skill level is nowhere near that of a black woman.
As a non-black hair caregiver, I want to share my experience and practices to give my girls' hair the love it deserves. Knowing that I am not the only white mom doing black hair, I hope my journey can help others navigate the complexities of Type 4 hair care.
BEFORE: My Hair Styles in the Beginning
Recent Hairstyles: So much improvement!
6 Key Practices I’ve Learned for Black Hair Care
Before washing, brush each section when you take out a protective style. When taking out a protective style, add a generous amount of moisturizer to each section to help with the detangling process and avoid breaking the hair. This is also a good time to massage their scalps and give their roots some love. Since it can take an hour or two to take out a protective style, it can save time to do it the night before I wash and braid the girls' hair. Once I'm done taking out the style, I create loose twists in the hair and put a hair cap on it to protect it overnight.
Wash day may take a whole day! The first big learning curve was how to conduct a proper wash day… it can take all day to wash our two girls’ heads properly! Take your time with shampooing. When we're ready to wash, I section their hair as I wet it with warm water, letting the water run until their hair is thoroughly soaked. I take my time shampooing each section, massaging their scalps again, and finally rinsing their hair section by section.
Work section by section. This must be repeated because it's so important. If you don't section black hair, you will not be able to cleanse or moisturize correctly.
Moisture is everything! After rinsing out the shampoo, I apply a deep conditioner section by section. Once it's all worked in well, I wrap the girls' hair under a cap, and they sit with a warm steam cap for 30 minutes. I rinse out their hair with lukewarm/cool water to help seal in the moisture. Finally, I section the hair again, add a leave-in conditioner, and seal in the moisture with a quality hair oil. (Below I've linked moisturizers and oils that work well for our girls' hair.)
Braiding is a time-consuming process, but it's an excellent way to protect and style black hair. After I blow dry the hair, I carefully part the sections of hair into smaller sections. The key to creating immaculate parts is using hair gel and a tail comb to get a straight line. The braids can be as small or as large as desired, depending on the desired style. I'm still learning to braid the hair tight enough to stay in place but not so tight that they cause tension or damage to the hair. After each braid is finished, I set it with hot water and seal it with a small amount of hair cream to keep it moisturized and protected. This process is repeated throughout the head, and it's important to take your time and be patient. When we're braiding, we allow plenty of time so the girls can get up and stretch when they need to. They also get to choose the TV show or movie they want to watch while I'm braiding.
Between hair days, it's important to maintain the style to keep the hair healthy and looking its best. We typically use a water-based, leave-in conditioner spray and a light scalp oil to prevent the hair from becoming dry and brittle. It's important to avoid using heavy oils on the hair since they can cause buildup on the scalp. It's also important to avoid sleeping on cotton pillowcases since those absorb moisture and cause friction, leading to hair breakage. Instead, the girls use satin or silk pillowcases to reduce friction and keep their hair moisturized while they sleep. They wear hair bonnets to bed as well. Additionally, I've learned to touch up the hairstyles as needed. If the style starts to unravel, it's important to fix it as soon as possible to prevent the hair from getting damaged.
How long can a protective style last? An adult may be able to go 6-8 weeks on a protective style. At their age, our girls need a new style every 2-4 weeks. With PE classes at school and busy schedules, their scalps have a tendency to get more oily and sweaty, which leads to buildup and discomfort. It’s important to listen to the hair and give it the care it needs to stay healthy and strong.
PRODUCTS WE LOVE:
(Tap to shop)
**Amazon Affiliate Links
Dealing with Homemade Hair Creams: Use Caution!
There’s a plethora of homemade hair cream recipes all over Pinterest. Some of them are probably great, but please use caution. If concocted incorrectly, homemade hair creams can cause bacteria to grow on the scalp. Some handmade creams may also smell strange, which can cause teasing and bullying for kids from their peers at school. We don't want our babies getting teased! There are multiple reasons why I don't make my own creams and only use quality products made for black hair by trusted and tested brands.
We’re currently trying out a new set of products from 4C Only — I’ll let you know how we like those!
Every head of hair is different!
Since my bonus daughters are different individuals, I had to learn to adjust the hair love process for each one. Sometimes I layered in too much moisture and sometimes, I didn't layer in enough. Some products work well on another head but act strange or flakey on the other one. At first, I thought I was imagining things, but another black mom confirmed that she also uses different products on her daughters.
Educational Resources
I have fallen in love with the process of doing 4C hair. It is such a beautiful way to love our daughters, and it's even taught me how to practice a deeper level of self-love with myself. Do you have a favorite braiding jam or scalp serum that you love using with 4C hair? Please comment and share your tips and experiences because we’re all in this together!