I was born to a single teenage mother in the beautiful island of Grenada. I didn't have a father present in my life growing up. When I was 21 I moved to the United States, got married, and after 18 years my world came crashing down. My marriage ended. I became a single dad.

And that's when I really had to discover who I was as a man.

I had to go to a really deep, dark place of hurt. I battled depression. I carried shame and guilt and uncertainty. But there were mentors who met me there, men who prayed with me, who showed up for me in my darkest season. And through therapy I began to heal. Which is why I believe men need counseling. Men hurt. We have issues and pain we have to deal with so we can show up for our kids.

The statistics are heartbreaking. 27% of fathers completely abandon their children after divorce. Fathers fight for custody in less than 4% of divorces. 91% of the time, fathers hand custody to the mother without even going to court. (Source)

I refused to be that statistic.

I didn't want to be the guy who just paid child support. I didn't want to be the guy who just bought stuff for my kids. I wanted to be present. Because I didn't have a dad who was present, and I was not going to let my kids experience what I experienced.

So I fought. I made sacrifices. I spent a lot of money in court. My divorce took longer than it should have because I refused to lay down and accept the belief that after divorce, kids just stay with mom. Sometimes that's necessary. Sometimes that's what's best. But in my case I believed my kids needed both parents active and present in their lives.

I had to fight through my own insecurities. Fight the traditional mindset that kids only belong with their mothers. Fight my own feelings of “am I even capable of doing this?”

I was determined. I wasn't going to give up. And if I lost, I was going down swinging, knowing I did everything I could. I fought for my kids, and I won. They are with me every other week, sometimes more. My kids know their dad shows up.

Don't try to be the perfect dad. A trying dad is better than a perfect dad every single time.

Be the dad at the games. The dad who shows up for lunch at school. The dad who takes a pay cut if that's what it takes to be present.

Fight for 10% custody. Fight for 30%. Fight for 50%.

Here’s an encouraging statistic: when men take custody cases to court, they achieve exactly what they requested or obtain significantly more custody up to 90% of the time. (Source - Source) The system isn't as stacked against you as you think.

Get as much time with your kids as you can.

Your kids need you to hold their hand. To look them in the eye and say I love you. To read them a bedtime story. To just be there.

So to every single dad out there — fight for your kids, man.

Your kids need a lot more than child support.

They need you.