Finding God in Everything as a New Stepmom
A year ago this morning I went on my last first date. A year ago I had no idea my life was going to change so much. A year ago I had no idea was about to fall all the way in love with my future husband and gain a family of seven.
Last week I hung 6 pictures on the wall of our five kids and our dog. I look at that wall and think about how much my life has changed. It's become a personal memorial for this year, like the 12 stones set one on top of another by the Jordan River after the Israelites crossed into the Promised Land. Crossing into the promised land was the beginning of a new season for the nation of Israel, with big giants to overcome and intimidating battles to win.
Just like the children of Israel, I've entered a new Promised Land. And just like them, I have new territory to discover and conquer. New territory comes with new giants. Sometimes the simplest things can feel like a giant.
The other morning I had to drop something off at school for our oldest son. As I walked up to the door of what felt like a giant middle school, I felt a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. I felt intimidated, like I was facing a giant. I'd never been inside of a middle school before and I guess I just thought I'd experience that someday when Emma is ready for middle school. When we were both ready to face such a big change. But suddenly I have a stepson in middle school. A 7th grader. So I girded up my loins and walked into the school. I signed papers and took responsibility for our son as a stepparent so he could have access to what he needed. It felt weird and really good at the same time.
A year ago I was a single mom to one kid. One kid in 4th grade, in a little elementary school up the street, in Nashville. Now I have five kids and I'm back in Denver. You just don't get used to a big change like that overnight. But it's good. And I'm constantly learning new stuff.
Our youngest son brought his art project home after school. He's in 1st grade. On it, he wrote that his favorite color is "god", but he pronounced it as "Gold". His older sister corrected him, telling him where to add the "l", and then his new sister Emma said, "Well, God is in everything so whether it says God or Gold, it kinda means the same thing."
I don't think anyone else followed her logic but I loved it. I see God in everything, which is why I'm not afraid of the giants in this new Promised Land.
Like the Giant of co-parenting with our kid's biomom.
Or the Giant of helping 5 kids with homework instead of just one.
The Giant of grocery shopping for 7 people instead of 2.
The Giant of learning how to care for my black daughter’s hair.
The Giant of dealing with the effects of COVID on our economy and our personal careers.
The Giant of meeting deadlines for my clients.
The Giant of launching something I've dreamt of doing for years.
The Giant of finishing a book writing project.
When it feels overwhelming, I also know that I was made for this. I never doubt that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be... this is where I used to dream of being. I get to enter this promised land. I get to fight these giants.
There's something about wandering in the wilderness of a dysfunctional marriage for almost 10 years and then being a single mom for 7 years that makes me appreciate the challenges of blending a family and contributing to a marriage with a really good man.
In the bible, before the Israelites entered the promised land, their leader Moses sent ten guys to check it out. Eight of them came back and said, "Guys look, there's a lot of milk and honey and tons of fruit but here's the thing... there are a bunch of giants in the land and our enemies live there. We look like grasshoppers compared to them. HECK NO, it's too much we can't do it, they're stronger and bigger than us."
Two guys said, "We should go take the land, for we can certainly do it. The giants don't get to win."
Two guys knew they were made for this, no matter how hard it looked. In the end, the giants didn’t win.
As I've gotten older, I've realized that the Promised Land is rich because of what you invest and have faith for and sacrifice to conquer it. What may look like a Promised Land to one person may look like a chaotic waste of time to another person.
Life is made up of many rich moments when you choose to see them that way. They're all rich, because even the hard ones have gold hidden in them. The good things don't taste as rich when you haven't worked hard or sacrificed something to have them.
The coffee at that little coffee shop when I was on a date a year ago wasn't better than the coffee I could get in Nashville, but everything was different because of who I was having coffee with. The croissants in France aren't better than the croissants you can get at a good bakery in your town (GASP), but they always seem to taste better because of how far you've traveled to have them.
It's the sacrifice that illuminates the authenticity and richness of a truly good thing.
Yes, you've got giants. Yes, they're big. Yes, you don't know if you can beat them. But I need you to know that with Jesus you can take the land, you can take responsibility for your own choices, you can take charge of your emotional wellbeing, you can choose to become a better person, you can forgive, you can move on, you can let go, you can have healthy relationships, you can.
The giants don't get to win.
